There becomes a point in life where growing up isn't solely just for the fun of it. The term 'growing up' earns an entirely new perspective when you realize that 'coming of age' means that with each age comes its own obstacles and life lessons—and through that, you will learn maturity and preparation for adulthood.
Coming of age and growing up isn't always viewed through rose-colored glasses as it seems in the indie 'live like there's no tomorrow' coming-of-age movies, where the character's biggest concerns are their new adventures for the day. Instead, growing up is challenged by facing questions regarding your self-identity: who you are and who you'd like to become in this world. In some cases, you might even find yourself asking "Where do I even fit in this world?" Adolescence is a roller-coaster ride of emotions; one moment it can seem as if you have everything figured out and put together, and suddenly, you realize your sense of certainty can be taken away in just one instance.
Since becoming a teenager, I have found that each age teaches me something new. Some lessons are minor and easygoing, while others are prolonged and aren't easy to accept—but through both experiences of the good and the bad, it has shaped me, and continues to shape me into the person I am today. Maturing is realizing that these obstacles we face along the way aren't meant to break us—so we shouldn't allow them to—but they are given to make us stronger, even if we don't always 'feel strong' at the moment.
For me, the age sixteen contained all of these things: the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I was challenged with unexpected situations, and even at moments, hard to accept. At times, I forgot my own strength and was oblivious to the fact that these obstacles were only making me stronger. It took for me to overcome those obstacles to realize the lessons behind them. Those obstacles weren't meant to be viewed as 'unfair' or as a punishment, but instead, they were given to prepare me for adulthood.
Here's the most important lessons I've learned at sixteen:
Hi everyone! It's Lexi here and welcome, or welcome back, to The Teen Safe Zone where it's safe for teens to be themselves. In honor of chapter sixteen finally ending and moving on to recently turning seventeen earlier this month, I wanted to share the most important lessons that sixteen taught me, as I feel that these lessons are perhaps the biggest foundational lessons one could learn (and will continue to use for the rest of their lives).
Out of all of the adolescent ages I have experienced so far, sixteen held the most value. It contained a series of ups and downs, the good and bad, joyfulness and sadness; all in 366 days. When I look back and reflect on the person I was just last year: the girl who was eager to turn the supposedly "golden age" of sixteen (mostly influenced by growing up watching the movie "Sixteen Wishes" lol), the girl who was excited to finally start driving (which I was determined for and got my permit on the first try!), and lastly the girl who was just optimistic about what life held for her at this age she waited so long for—I can look at myself in the present day and see how much I have changed, truly.
There are things I now know that I could have done differently. There are lessons learned that I wish I could have known sooner. There are chapters in life that I wish I hadn't started had I known the outcome—but isn't that what we all experience at some point in our lives? The answer is yes. It took me a long time to understand what those obstacles were meant to teach me, and as a human (and quite the perfectionist lol), I felt guilty that I didn't learn them sooner. Reflecting on myself last year, I always thought (and was always told) that I was "mature for my age". I thought for the most part that I had it all together. I thought I knew how to react when certain situations came my way—but spoiler alert: instead I was given situations that I didn't know how to react to. It may have been true that I was "mature for my age" at that given point, but obviously, God wanted me to expand my knowledge and wisdom even more—and so He did when He knew I was ready for it (even when I didn't know I was ready for it), and that so happened to be at my "golden age" of sixteen lol.
Think Of It Like This:
Gaining wisdom is like growing out of your old clothes: you may have been "mature" for that given stage in your life, but you grew out of that stage and into the next. Now the new clothes are loosely fitted all over again and you must grow into them. This process is called "life".
Adding Onto That:
Think of yourself as an elastic band (but the good quality ones that are hard to break lol). We will be constantly stretched and expanded in our lives, being shaped into something new. We are durable, and even through life's toughest obstacles, we won't break.
At sixteen, I was faced with situations that I wasn't prepared for—at least I thought. However, as I always say on this blog, we are never given obstacles that we aren't strong enough for. Sometimes these obstacles are given just for us to look back and be a reminder of our own strength. After a certain point in life, you will feel invincible and hold your head held high at any obstacles that come your way. Remember, obstacles are meant to build on top of each other: if you can get through one, you'll get through the other!
Keeping this knowledge in mind and having some background context, we can now get into the most important lessons sixteen taught me. The order of these lessons are in no particular order as I feel that each serves its own purpose and importance at its given time.
Waiting On God's Timing:
One of the biggest lessons (and perhaps the hardest to accept) that I've learned this year was waiting on God's timing. As a perfectionist and ambitious person, I like to have everything written out from plan A, to plan Z (seriously, I probably would write out the next ten years of my life if I could lol). So as you can imagine, after all of these years since childhood, I have built a list of things I wanted to experience at this "magical" age of sixteen that I was so sure would happen.
But there was one problem—those things didn't happen lol... at all, or at least not in the ways I expected them to. I was confused. Disappointed. Heartbroken. I had to face the harsh reality of living up to my own unrealistic standards. Yes, my own expectations nearly broke me. On this blog, I have talked before about unrealistic standards from the media or from what others project on you, but there's a different type of feeling and disappointment that comes along when you're battling between your mind and yourself. Your own expectations vs. reality. Who you actually are vs. who you want to be. It's confusing to accept that your biggest critic is yourself. At sixteen, that was my first time battling internal conflict.
To top off that feeling of disappointment and confusion, you take a look around you and see everyone else living that dream and seemingly living life to the fullest: from the media to maybe even people you know. It's easy to feel like an outsider, or that it's just a "you" problem. You start to believe that you're really just a small fish in a big pond—and it's easy to believe that's true when your circumstances are being the biggest supporting details lol. It's easy to get caught up with what you see, that you start to believe it's true. Many people in this world feel unnoticed, forgotten, wondering if their time will ever come too—we all have been at that point in life, and if you're currently facing this mindset, just know that you're not alone.
I couldn't understand why this was happening to me, and just like many others, I was too focused for a while on what I could see instead of focusing on the bigger picture. This all changed when I realized (and actually started to take it in) that our circumstances don't define us. It's a common saying that I'm pretty sure we all have heard of before, but it's a difference when you listen to the saying vs. actually living like it. Just because said given thing hasn't happened yet, doesn't mean that you should view it as a punishment, or that you're not deserving/worked hard for it. I know it's hard to believe when you see it in the hands of someone else, but we can't let our flesh or personal feelings get involved and cloud what God is trying to reveal to us.
For each person, God's lesson through this varies, but for me, the primary lesson He wanted to teach me was patience. I had to understand that a delay doesn't mean "no", and my time will come when He says "It's time". I had to put my pride aside and let God have His way. If it is in His will, He will grant it to us when we're ready for it. When we wait on God's timing and let Him have His way, the blessing will be much better than we even anticipated! He promises this in 1 Corinthians 2:9.
For more advice on this topic, watch this amazing YouTube video that helped give me context when going through this obstacle!
Friendships:
At sixteen, there became a point where I felt that my efforts were unappreciated and unheard in a friendship. I felt that I was only being used whenever it was beneficial and then discarded. There were many instances where I didn't feel appreciated as a friend, or even as a human. Instead of voicing my opinion and concerns, I bit my tongue and kept closed, ignoring the red flags I noticed, in an attempt to save a sinking friendship—when I was only hurting myself more in the process. In the end, I found my own strength again and got the confirmation in my heart to call off the friendship. It truly wasn't an easy decision, but I knew, and God knew, what was best for me—and best for both of us.
I couldn't be more happier with my decision, even if it was difficult. Sometimes we are placed in lonely, difficult pathways in life where we must walk on our own. The reason for this is that sometimes we unknowingly lose ourselves—our values, our morals, our self-worth, etc.—through the process of caring for and loving someone else, whether that be platonically or romantically. We are then placed alone, where the noise and distractions of others are gone, and we must face the person we've become and the person we once were. In this experience of being alone, I was able to find my values and self-worth again. I was able to understand that my time and friendship are valuable, and I refuse to let anyone take that for granted or try to convince me otherwise. This experience helped me not only gain my peace and confidence back but also showed me what to look for and not look for in the characteristics of a friendship.
Finding My Inner-Peace:
Coincidentally, during this "friendship breakup" period in my life, I experienced the highest satisfaction and a sense of security and confidence within myself—even stronger than it was before! I experienced true happiness after months of dreadfulness. I was glowing—inside and out! Little did I know that this experience only marked the start of my journey!
If you'd like to hear more about my inner-peace journey, check out my last blog!
Enjoying The Little Things / Slow Living:
During the start of my inner-peace journey, I also started to be content with my circumstances (see how this is coming back around?!). Every morning I would wake up happy for whatever the day embraced, and confident to overcome any obstacles that may come my way. I started to notice the little things that I somehow started to overlook—or maybe not even notice at all—such as the sound of birds chirping, the pattern of the clouds, or the phrases of the moon. I became fascinated with the little things that we all tend to overlook in our day-to-day lives.
I realized that everything around me—around us—is so full of life, crafted in every tiny detail by the hands of our Creator. And so are we! So why aren't we so full of life? There's so much joy to take away from the little things around us. Maybe we should take a few notes and apply them to our lives more often!
Hobbies Aren't A Reward:
This topic is something that isn't talked about as often—and quite frankly, I'm not sure if many of us notice. Before, I found myself so caught up with deadlines, school, and studying. I found myself caught up with life. Somewhere along the process, I adopted a mindset that my hobbies come after everything else. During my "slow living" journey, I realized that I was putting my hobbies on the back burner and treating it as a "reward".
It's a toxic mindset to have nevertheless, especially when you find it taking over your entire life. Usually what happened to me was that I would be so drained by the end of the day to even have the energy left for hobbies. This mindset enables you to neglect what you love to do, or maybe even your own well-being. I changed this mindset and started doing my hobbies back for fun. I even regained some old hobbies as well (and realized how much I missed them!). You have to learn how to balance it all!
Patience:
The last lesson I want to mention today (there are so many!) is resurfacing back on the topic of patience. I first learned the foundations of patience while waiting on God's timing, but I also found that my patience was constantly being tested on many different occasions after that. The reality of the fact is that our patience will always be tested. It's not just a "learn and go" lesson. We will continue to learn it for the rest of our lives.
One thing that I also had to learn while on the topic of patience, was having patience with myself. It sounds odd, but it's most definitely a thing! Just like trying to live up to my own unrealistic standards, I had to not only learn patience with God's timing but also patience within myself. I had to learn that I'm not always going to be "good" at things on the first try, and I may not always do things right or come up with the correct solution. Life is a learning process, that we all must learn—and at different paces.
Whew, this is probably the longest post I recall writing lol. This quite literally took me two and a half hours to write haha. It's all worth it though if I know that through my words and vulnerability, I can help someone else who may be experiencing something similar. I definitely wish I had this 'handbook' of advice when I first turned sixteen lol. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but all I know is that I'm glad it's over.
As you can see, sixteen for me was filled with many life lessons (and these are just surface-level lessons). If there's one thing I will remember sixteen for, it would be the valuable life lessons I got the experience to learn. I may not have gotten everything I wanted, but God made sure I was able to receive everything I needed.
As I am stepping into the early chapters of Sweeter Seventeen, I am optimistic about what's to come. For one, I am entering my senior year in a few weeks and will be a proud graduate of the class of 2025! I also got an amazing college opportunity to work on over this summer which has been occupying a ton of time, but I know if it's meant for me, it'll be worth it! And lastly, I plan to practice driving more and get my official driver's license before the big ONE EIGHT lol. I hope you all enjoyed this post, and hopefully take something from it! See you soon!
About The Blog:
The Teen Safe Zone is a blog created in 2021 by then-14-year-old, Lexi, in an effort to share real teenage experiences and advice to fellow adolescents trying to figure out this thing called "life". Being a teenager or young adult isn't easy with having your entire life at your footsteps. On The Teen Safe Zone, you can read relatable content tailored from friendships, relationships, peer pressure, high school, self-esteem, social media, and more! Join the blog for free by becoming a member. Use the "Contact Us" tab to reach out, and we will respond as soon as possible. New posts on the blog every Monday at 3 PM CST!
WANT TO READ MORE?
'Sweet Sixteen' was filled with so many life lessons to take away from... so much so that this post took me two and a half hours to write lol. I hope someone reading finds this post helpful, because I definitely know I could've used this advice a year ago! See you soon!