Have you been ignoring red flags around you? How many times have you bit your tongue and let things "slide" that absolutely shouldn't have? Scared that if you voice your opinion you might lose someone you care about?
If you are struggling with experiencing any of the things listed above (or even worse), this is your sign to put things to an end.
Hi everyone! It's Lexi here and welcome, or welcome back, to The Teen Safe Zone where it's safe for teens to be themselves. It's the start of a new year, so therefore it's the start of a new chapter in your life. Don't hold the things you did or didn't do against yourself, as that should be just a thing in your past. A new year means it's a new opportunity to get things right. Become your best self. Be proud and make use of the life you have been given.
A new year also means that it's another chance to not put yourself through things you tolerated in the past.
If you plan to use this year to become your best self, you can't still hold onto things or people that you know no longer hold value in your life. Let's face it, we all have seen red flags of someone or something in our life long before things ended. Let's correct that, long before things should have ended at that very moment. This year, we shouldn't allow ourselves to go through toxic friendships/relationships when we know it should have ended months or even years ago.
Oftentimes, we let things "slide" and ignore the red flags until it's too late. We hold onto the thoughts and memories of the person we once knew, and not the person they've now become. Sooner or later, those red flags only get worse from there. The problem is that we shouldn't wait until things get worse for us to start detaching ourselves from toxic people.
For Example:
I was once in a friendship where I knew something was "off", but I kept ignoring the red flags. The "minor" stuff eventually turned into something even worse... bullying. Don't let things build up to that point.
Today's blog post is a motivation and reminder to someone out there reading and experiencing this that you deserve better. You shouldn't settle for less or "tolerate" someone because you are afraid that you might lose them. Some people are only meant to stay in your life for a season, and if that's the case, you aren't "losing" anything. There's far much better in the world, and you'll never know if you are still holding onto toxic people.
Then VS. Now
As mentioned above, we often hold onto how things used to be, rather than admitting how things are going now.
"We talked for hours." Talked, as in past tense.
"We had good times together." Had is no longer the present time.
The first step to moving forward is admitting that things went wrong and aren't the same as they used to be. The phone calls / texts are shorter than before. The times you share with this person aren't as fun as they once were. People and things change. Change isn't a bad thing, but things could either change for the better or for the worse.
Red Flags
If there have been moments when your "Red Flag Radar" has gone off, listen to them. I always say that those thoughts don't come about for no reason. There is most likely a reason given why you felt that way. An action that was done or wasn't done, a snarky comment, etc.
When you push things to the side for so long, it becomes difficult to pinpoint when the problems started to come, because there could be so many instances to reference at this point. This is why it's important to bring the red flag(s) to a person's attention when it happens instead of letting them slip by. In some cases, a person could learn from their mistakes (and vice versa) when they are aware of what they did wrong.
If you continue to let things slip by, the red flags will only build up from there as a person could think that they are "getting away with things". We often think we are "helping" not bring chaos or confrontation by biting our tongue and holding in our opinions, though the truth is that we are only hurting ourselves more in the process. With each thing we let "slide", the more our boundaries and standards for ourselves and others around us go down.
This year, learn that it's okay to speak and stand up for yourself. If something is bothering you, bring it to their attention. It's only up to them at this point on how they react to it.
It Works Both Ways
Sometimes a person isn't necessarily "toxic" or gives you "red flags", but the friendship/relationship instead becomes exhausting to you. For example, you find yourself always having to be the first to reach out, as if no effort is made on the other side and you're the only one who truly cares for the sake of the friendship/relationship. Many don't notice, but this could be a red flag within itself.
In my personal opinion, it shows that the other person doesn't value your time and efforts. They clearly aren't as invested anymore as they once were. If someone isn't putting in the effort to keep things going, you shouldn't feel obligated to either.
You Deserve Better.
You deserve better than to constantly feel used and discarded. Ignored. Misunderstood. Be the only one to reach out. Or whatever the case may be in your situation. Your emotions and opinions are just as valid as everyone else's.
Never hold onto someone or something because you think you won't find anything better. Trust me, you will. Even if you don't see it for yourself yet.
In this world of 8 billion fellow humans, you will come across someone who will appreciate you and respect your boundaries, time, friendship, etc. There are people who will do everything that others couldn't do (because they chose not to).
Don't focus on the people who left, but rather the people who stayed. If you haven't found them yet, take this chance to be your own friend and focus on how to better yourself, for you.
About The Blog:
The Teen Safe Zone is a blog created in 2021 by then-14-year-old, Lexi, in an effort to share real teenage experiences and advice to fellow adolescents trying to figure out this thing called "life". Being a teenager or young adult isn't easy with having your entire life at your footsteps. On The Teen Safe Zone, you can read relatable content tailored from friendships, relationships, peer pressure, high school, self-esteem, social media, and more! Join the blog for free by becoming a member. Use the "Contact Us" tab to reach out, and we will respond as soon as possible. New posts on the blog every Monday at 3 PM CST!
First blog post of 2024! New posting schedule every Monday at 3:00 PM CST!