Hi everyone! Welcome, or welcome back, to The Teen Safe Zone where it's safe for teens to be themselves! We commonly talk about relationships on this blog, but there is something even more important that needs to be discussed; friendships.
Friendships are meant to last for a lifetime, but sometimes, we come across the wrong type of "friends". Just like in relationships, friendships can also have red flags and it is important to react to them accordingly. I've had a toxic friendship in the past where I ignored the red flags and just thought of them as a "phrase" but then it eventually turned into something more; bullying.
In today's blog post, I will be sharing with you all red flags that you should look out for as a sign to end a friendship. Making and maintaining friends is hard enough as it is, but never hold onto a friendship if it's draining and not meant to be. Friendships and relationships should always bring out the best in you (and vice versa). If you take a look around your life and see that the people you surround yourself with isn't bringing out the best in you, then there's no purpose staying.
Your Well-being:
Just as a said in our How To Heal During A Breakup post, never blame yourself if things don't work out or if you are left with no other option than to end things. You aren't being selfish if you are doing what's best for your mental health and well-being by withdrawing from a "friend".
If you left a friendship, remember you left for a reason. This exact reason is what caused my previous friendship to spiral out of control; I gave too many chances even when I saw the red flags. By staying even when you see the red flags, you're giving that person approval to their red flags. They will keep repeating the same nonsense because they know you aren't going anywhere. The longer you stay, the worst things will get and the more painful it'll be to leave.
For Example:
If a person is getting "lowkey" bullied by their friend(s) (rude "jokes", rumors, etc.) and instead of addressing the issue, they still choose to be friends with that person, the other person will think that they are "getting away" with it. Put an end to things before they get worst.
Red Flags:
Listed below are a few major red flags to look out for in both friendships and relationships. If you notice any of these red flags in one of your friends and the problem is consistent, then maybe it's time for you to reconsider ending that friendship. Also, these red flags aren't in any particular order.
#1 Rude Humor / Inside Jokes About You:
There's nothing wrong with playfully joking around with a friend, but if you realize that their "jokes" are hurtful and purposely talking about you to be embarrassing (especially around others), then it's a major red flag. Private conversations between you and them shouldn't be joked around with others.
#2 Acting Differently When Others Are Around:
Another red flag is acting differently when others are around. Their energy should be the same around you and others. If they act "ashamed" of you or completely ignore you when they are around others, what do you think they would do when something serious happens?
#3 Drama Starter:
If you find them always bringing you into drama that you're not directly involved in, it's a red flag. It's okay to stand up for a friend, but they should also be able to do the same for you. As I mentioned above, if a friendship doesn't bring out the best in you, then there's no purpose in staying. You want to surround yourself with positive people who want to see you thrive, not the other way around.
#4 MIA You When They Get Into A Relationship:
This is a red flag that not many people don't talk about. This red flag is also similar to #2. Once again, their energy should be the same around you and others. Finding balance in relationships and friendships is important. Your friend shouldn't just disappear once they get into a relationship and forget all about you. If you find your friend doing this, bring it to their attention because they might not realize what they are doing. Tell them that they need to find a balance between friendships and relationships. If the problem consistently happens, it's an end game for me.
#5 MIA'ing you in general:
This red flag is something that you should thoroughly think about before ending things unlike the others. Life happens and if it's unlike your friend to just MIA you, there's a possibility that they could be facing obstacles in life. Make sure to check on your friend and if everything's okay. This stage could mean that they need your support the most and don't know how to tell you, or they are distracted by something else and don't want anything to do with you (like #4). But always remember, friendship works both ways. You shouldn't be the one who always has to be the first to reach out.
#6 Mocks Your Mental Health / Personal Struggles
Just as in #1, what you discuss with your friend about something personal stays between you two; it isn't appropriate for them to discuss it with someone else if you don't give permission (unless you're thinking about harming yourself). Your mental health should be taken seriously and not mocked/joked about. If you find your friend not being supportive (ex. 'It's all in your head", etc.) then it's a red flag.
#7 Has A "Superior Than You" Persona
Another red flag is having a friend who has a "superior than you" persona. If they always have to be the "best-looking" or treat you like a minion, they're acting out of insecurities and want to blame it on you. You all can thrive and having that persona is unnecessary.
#8 Peer Pressure
Another red flag is peer pressuring you. Friends don't pressure each other to do things they shouldn't or don't feel comfortable with. This red flag applies to everyone, but especially those of you who are in college or almost in college. Hazing and peer pressure are so common in college so here's a reminder for you; there's no position or friendship worth risking your life for. If someone truly wanted to be your friend, they wouldn't convince you to do these things.
Bring It To Their Attention:
If you saw any of the red flags listed above (and there are plenty of others) in one of your friends, you may be wondering, "What's the next step?" The first step is to bring it to your friend's attention. Sometimes, they may not realize that they're acting this way and by letting them know, you are giving them time to change and not do it again. If they continue to do these red flags, then it's time to end that friendship. Don't make the same mistake I did and allow the behavior to keep going.
Once again, don't feel like you're being selfish for what you think is best for your well-being. There are billions of people in this world and that means that there are billions of other possible friendships.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed today's post! If you all have any other comments on this post, make sure to become a member on this site by simply signing up and making an account to comment! If you want to contact me about anything, please visit the "Contact Us" page on this blog where we can privately talk!
I want to apologize for not posting last week. Last week I celebrated my Sweet 16th birthday, so I took the week off! Thank you all for your birthday wishes and support! New posts every Sunday! - Lexi
WANT MORE ADVICE?
I hope you all enjoyed today's blog post! Comment down below what are other red flags you'll look out for in a friendship?