Hi everyone! Welcome, or welcome back, to The Teen Safe Zone where it's safe for teens to be themselves! In today's blog post, we will be discussing how to heal during a breakup. Unfortunately, breakups are a common thing that many people from every age group experience. It can be confusing, exhausting, relieving, and more all in a short period. You might not know where to start in your recovery journey from a breakup, so I wanted to share some advice that I would tell someone I know if they were going through a breakup.
Whether this is your first breakup or one of many, I hope that you find the advice in today's post helpful.
What You Need To Know:
If you are currently going through a breakup, the first thing I want you to know is that everything happens in life for a reason. This breakup isn't something that just "happened" to ruin your life or steal your joy away—although it may feel like it at this moment. In fact, this breakup can be a blessing in disguise for you.
You were shown the red flags of a person for a reason. Many people let the red flags of their partner/significant other slide because they think that it isn't something major—until it actually becomes something major. One red flag is enough warning to take caution in a relationship. The more you ignore red flags, the worst it becomes.
You can't "change" or sabotage what has already happened. As much as it may hurt to admit the truth of what caused this breakup, acceptance is key to healing during a breakup. Another thing that I have noticed is that you can't change a person who doesn't want to change. You have no control over what your partner did or didn't do in the relationship, so never blame yourself for their faults and vice versa.
Tip For Relationships:
Never let someone convince you that they "accidentally" cheated and that it was a mistake. Of course, we're only human and we all make mistakes but cheating is not something that happens by accident. Don't let someone gaslight or manipulate you into believing that.
Tip For The Singles:
For all of the single folks who might be reading this, I have a tip for you as well! Don't fall for or get involved with someone who has a bad reputation for relationships. If all of their past partners are accusing them of doing the same thing in a relationship, save yourself, and move on. Their behavior isn't going to change because they met you, it's only going to continue until they decide to change. These types of people aren't worth your time waiting around for.
Self-Guilt:
So now that we've gotten the basics out of the way, let's talk about a step that many people experience during a breakup but don't talk about: the self-guilt that comes afterward. This step is common for those who were in a relationship with a narcissist. As I mentioned before, if you did everything that you were supposed to do in the relationship (being loyal, always present when needed, etc.), the cause of the breakup is not your fault. Although if you were in a relationship with a narcissist, they will easily make you believe so, and after a while, you might even start to believe it.
Narcissistic people have too much pride to ever admit their faults. This leaves space for the innocent person in the relationship to blame themselves, because who else is left to blame? This is exactly how a narcissistic person would want you to think and it's a tool they'll use to further gaslight you.
Another trap many people fall under is believing that they're overreacting and it's "all in their head" because of one decent thing their partner did or said to them. Ex. Sending flowers, pretending to be concerned about you, the bare minimum. Just so you know, many people use this trick to win you back over, and it's not just in relationships either. It's an uncomfortable position to be put in, but know why you decided to end things in the first place and stick to that. All of the terrible things they have done in the past simply don't get dismissed because of one decent action.
Steps To Healing:
Healing during a breakup is never something easy to deal with so don't expect it to be an easy or quick road to follow. It's hard to "erase" all of the love you had for someone; especially if it was sincere.
During and after a breakup, it's completely normal to experience a mix of different emotions. One moment you are happy that you're free from the chaos you had to endure, but the next moment you might feel sad because everything you had with that person is gone.
But regardless of how you're feeling, remember to always think with wisdom and not with what your heart feels at the moment. Keep in mind why the relationship ended and not about all of the "good times" you once shared with that person. Once shared is a thing in the past, now is the present. People change. Move forward with the information you know now and don't focus on the things in the past.
Avoid reminiscing. Reminiscing just allows thoughts and feelings from the past to enter. Remember, you want to move forward, not backward.
Avoid wrong outside opinions. Having a good support group is key when dealing with a breakup or any aspect of life in general. Sometimes having outside opinions from people we trust can help us see things we can't see on our own, but sometimes you have to figure out what's best for yourself. You know what you had to endure, so don't base your emotions on what other people are telling you that you should feel. Everyone deals with things differently. If you were in a toxic relationship, your friends and family shouldn't encourage you to go back to that or guilt-shame you for leaving. If they do, that's a major red flag for them.
Forgive and don't hold a grudge. Don't seek revenge on your ex. In that case, that would make you no better than them. Never act out of spite and allow yourself to become like them. Forgive and let go.
Don't force yourself into another relationship. Give yourself time to fully heal from your past relationship before you move on to another one. Many people don't follow this step and rush into another relationship to "forget' about the last. However, this causes more issues because now you're taking the hurt and pain from one relationship into the next. This can cause trust issues and more into the new relationship, and the next thing you know, you're back into the same rabbit hole. Don't do that to yourself, and don't do that to others.
Remember, a breakup is not the end of the world. I know it's hard to believe that—especially for us teens, but things will get better. As teens, we have our entire life ahead of us to find "the one". If you're a young adult, you too still have time to find "the one". Things didn't work out because they weren't simply weren't meant to be. Maybe you (or your future partner) still need more growing to do before you find each other. As I always say, take this time in your life to find out who you are. Focus on the things you need to work on individually in life at the moment and when it's time for you to meet the right person, it'll be at the right time.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed today's post! If you all have any other comments on this post, make sure to become a member on this site by simply signing up and making an account to comment! If you want to contact me about anything, please visit the "Contact Us" page on this blog where we can privately talk! New posts every Sunday! (Yes, we're back to weekly posts! Woohoo!) - Lexi
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I am so happy that you are returning back to weekly posts! Your advice is very helpful and will help a lot of people along the way!
Hi everyone! I have a ton of exciting ideas coming to the blog soon! I am happy to announce that I am planning to get back on a WEEKLY posting schedule (and maybe some bonuses!) I can't wait for you all to see the direction I am planning to take the blog starting next month!! I am in the process of renovating the website and updating old blog posts so you will some changes here and there. Thank you all so much for tuning in!