Hi everyone! Welcome, or welcome back, to The Teen Safe Zone where it's safe for teens to be themselves! In today's blog post, we will be discussing the process of rebuilding your trust after dealing with trust issues.
Trust issues are seriously no joke, regardless of your age. Trust issues can deeply affect and change your perspective on life, as well as your future relationships with people in this world. Having trust issues is something really hard to just "forget" and get over. It is a long process that doesn't just go away overnight. In today's blog post, we will be talking about how trust issues can affect you and your mental health, and the steps to take when rebuilding your trust.
How Trust Issues Can Affect You
Trust issues can come from many different sources, whether that be with a friend, family member, or even a partner, but they can still have a significant impact on your life. Many times, I see quotes about trust issues being "glamourized" on social media to be "relatable," but anyone who actually has dealt with or is currently dealing with trust issues would know that it isn't an easy process that goes away and comes back from time to time. Trust issues last a lifetime, and it is extremely difficult to open up and be vulnerable to others.
Having trust issues will always make you second guess people and their intentions, even if it's not something they directly did wrong. Dealing with trust issues will make you think back to the source or person that caused you to have those trust issues. You think back to the hurt you had to endure when that person broke your trust, and you'll always be cautious to not make that same mistake.
You no longer "live for the thrill" or make friends as easily as you did before because you're scared of opening up to the wrong person and that they could possibly break your trust —again. You no longer know who to trust, and that makes having trust issues isolating. You wonder whether or not you would ever find trust worthy people in your life, or is everyone just here to lie to you.
Guilt shaming is another effect of having trust issues. Many people would blame themselves for not seeing the signs that a person was lying or leading them on before it was too late. You should never tear yourself down over someone else's actions. You can't control anyone else but yourself. You didn't know the future and what that person would have turned out to be. People can be convincing, and we've all fell for someone else's trap at one time or another. The only thing you can possibly do is move forward in life and look out for signs to not make the same mistakes.
Rebuilding Your Trust:
Step 1, Trusting Yourself & Setting Boundaries: First, you have to learn how to trust yourself. As silly as that sounds, take a minute to think: do you actually trust yourself? Do you actually know who you are? You can't expect anyone else to trust you if you can't trust yourself. Meaning, people can have internal conflicts with themselves (insecurities, guilt shaming, etc.) and this affects their ability to communicate and trust others.
Example:
If someone is dealing with insecurities and self-shame, they are dealing with internal conflict. How can you expect someone to truly accept you for who you are if you don't accept yourself for who you are? Many times, people dealing with this internal conflict tend to blame outside sources for it.
The moral of the story is that the first step to rebuilding your trust is to start trusting yourself. Start building up your confidence again. By taking this step, you allow time for self-healing, self-discovery, and finding out what you are and aren't going to tolerate next time. Take all of the time you feel is necessary to "get back out there." Never feel pressured or tempted to easily give your trust away.
Step 2, Take Baby Steps: As mentioned before, healing from trust issues isn't a simple fix, and it's not going to go away overnight. Once again, never feel pressured or tempted to easily give your trust away. Trust isn't given; it's earned. You give away your trust when you see (and not just from someone's words, but rather their actions) that someone is worth it. They do not have your trust simply because they are a family member. They have to earn it like everyone else. If their actions aren't aligned with their words, it's just sweet talk. Don't feel that just because someone has a title like some sort of family member or a boyfriend or girlfriend, that you have to give your trust away all at once. Take baby steps until you feel that a person has earned your trust fully. It's not a quick process either; it takes time.
Step 3, Understanding That Not Everyone Is Trust Worthy: The struggle of having trust issues is not being able to trust others easily. But what happens once you're on your self-discovery journey and have overcome your trust issues? Whether you have trust issues or not, understanding that not everyone is trustworthy is still an important lesson to know. This world obviously isn't simple, and people aren't always kind. Yes, there are amazing, trustworthy people in this world, but not everyone you come across is like that. There are still many people who will gain your trust just to break it. So please keep in mind that not everyone is trustworthy.
Step 4, Second Chances: We're all human, and we all make mistakes. But some "mistakes" that people make are just excuses. To be completely honest, not everyone deserves a second chance. There are many factors that go into this, and it ultimately boils down to what the situation is about, so I don't want to say that everyone does or doesn't deserve a second chance. However, in my opinion, something as serious as cheating never deserves a second chance. Things of this nature aren't something that just happens by accident, and they are bound to happen over and over again until you no longer allow them. Don't let people sweet talk you into giving them a second chance when they don't deserve it or simply by saying that they will "change." "Will change" is not taking action. A person deserves a second chance when you see that they are making efforts to be a better person and not just saying that they are "working" on being a better person. Know the signs, know what you are and aren't going to tolerate, and be mindful and cautious.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed today's post! If you all have any other comments on this post, make sure to become a member on this site by simply signing up and making an account to comment! If you want to contact me about anything, please visit the "Contact Us" page on this blog where we can privately talk! New posts every other Sunday! - Lexi
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"Will change" is not taking action. A person deserves a second chance when you see that they are making efforts to be a better person and not just saying that they are "working" on being a better person." - I love this quote! Many people say that they are planning on changing but they don't do anything to actually change. Like you said, it's all just sweet talk at that point. Well said!
I really enjoyed today's blog post! I love how you honestly explained everything and didn't sugarcoat anything. :)